You are not alone!
I’m so excited that we finally held the event, “Celibacy: Where Do I Even begin”, even though we had to move it online last minute. There is so much to talk about from that single meeting, but for this post, I will be focusing on Why Choose Celibacy/Abstinence?
Here are the key areas covered at the event:
- Why Choose Celibacy
- Benefits of celibacy/abstinence
- Celibacy before and after sex
- Coping mechanisms in and out of relationships
- Problems with Abstinence/celibacy
- Abstinence/Celibacy Myths
My takeaway from this event is that “I am not alone”, and if you are reading this and also practicing celibacy/abstinence, then I am also telling you that “You are not alone.”
My major inspiration for planning that event was to find others like me, probably make friends, learn with others while sharing my own experience so far. While there were no physical contacts, I certainly learned a lot. I knew it wasn’t impossible, however, I am glad I discovered other celibate/abstinent sisters and brothers.
I heard from 27 -35-year-old virgins and others who have been practicing abstinence for a couple of years. It was really enlightening, and I can’t wait to share all the info from that event in subsequent posts.
Why Choose Celibacy/Abstinence?
There are three major reasons why people choose celibacy.
- Religious (spirituality)
- Mental Well-being
- Physical well-being
For some it is one or the other, for others, it is all three if you begin to consider the benefits. So let’s take a look at these three reasons why people choose celibacy/abstinence.
Some people choose Celibacy because of their religious beliefs. As a single Christian lady, the bible encourages us to keep our bodies holy because “your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost” (1 Corinthians 6:19). Aside from immorality, other things that aren’t welcome in our bodies as God’s children are diseases and infirmities. Also 1 Thessalonians 4:3 says, “For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality” So for me. the choice to stay abstinent is first of all a spiritual obligation to honor God with my body. This comes with several benefits, which I will discourse subsequently.
I got divorced four years ago and I decided since then that I will keep myself free of sexual slavery until I get married again. Aside from the spiritual reasons, the second reason is the mental benefits of not being sexually active. Without doing any research, my personal experience has thought me and proven to me that sex with someone you are not married to comes with a lot of baggage. First of all, it blurs your vision. Most times, once you become sexually involved with someone, it becomes really difficult for you to reason objectively… some people call it love, but you and I know that it is lust, and nothing good proceeds from lust.
Lust is the reason for many toxic relationships. It is the major brain behind physically abusive relationships. Lust disables your ability to see, believe or accept a person’s “true color” (personality). this is why even when everyone is telling you that a relationship is not good for you, you can’t see it… sometimes, you see it, but you are unable to get yourself to the point where you “pack your bag” and leave. All because “the sex is really good”.
Sometimes also, people stay abstinent or celibate to heal from a hurtful experience (must not be a relationship), it could be a trauma or for self-discovery. Sometimes people just want to focus on themselves, find out who they are and where they are going to and so, they may choose to be abstinent or celibate to enable them to think clearly, cross their Ts and dots without emotional distractions and interferences.
Depending on one’s medical history, sometimes people may choose abstinence for physical (heath-related) reasons. This could be for recovery or to avoid certain health complications. Other important reasons are to avoid unwanted pregnancy, premature marriage, STDs, etc.
For me, it’s the three. It is not a journey that is easy, but I know what I want and so I’m willing to make that sacrifice.