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Winifred Ben

Winifred Ben

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Life Lately: Life As A Single Mom, What I Didn’t Expect

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If you noticed, I haven’t been writing much lately. It is not that I can’t just take pictures of my favourite outfits and write about them, but I realised that there comes a point in life when you realise that life is much more than clothes and shoes. It takes much more than that to be a happy and fulfilled person. Hence, with my mind more focused on other aspects of life other than what is in my wardrobe, I feel quite reluctant to even dress up talk more of writing about clothes…
I could be wrong or maybe I just need other kinds of motivation; but whatever it is, I haven’t found it.

Now to the topic of the day, living as a single mom has been quite an eye-opening, heartbreaking and yet somewhat motivational experience. I will explain all those adjectives briefly, just stick around.
The eye-opening part is to realize that love and marriage as we read in novels like ‘mills and boon’ or as we were told by our elders is not as it is in real life. I am upset that it took a broken marriage for me to realize it. For example, we were told that the key to a happy marriage as an African woman is knowing how to cook, clean house, raise kids, honor and respect your husband, etc. but I did all that and more and it failed. So I am here wondering what to do if I ever find myself in a relationship again… don’t get me wrong, I am not one of those broken individuals who are ‘broken’ and need to be fixed. I am more confused about how to be a good woman to a man without being utterly naive or overly defensive.

 The heartbreaking part is realizing and accepting, after much bickering and fight with the ex- that I will raise my child (mostly) alone. I mean, it is my responsibility, right? Though it is not something I planned for, life happens and you can’t kill yourself… at least I can’t… so I’ve got to do what I’ve got to do.

When a man chooses not to be responsible for his child, what can you do? You can take a horse to the stream, but you can’t force him to drink water. More so, there are many women with even more than one child who are single moms or who are widowed; who didn’t give up on their kids but stood the ground and did their best to ensure their kids turned out well. So, I mean, I have just one and I believe with God, we will be just fine.

The past one year has been filled with so much struggle financially and emotionally, but I thank God who has been merciful and kind enough to plant me in the midst of a supportive family and few friends who have really been there for me. It has not been an easy journey but then again, it could have been worse… like really worse.

Ironically, this situation has really motivated me more than ever to become a better version of myself. Really. The saying to women about “follow your dreams before you marry” is so true. I learned it the hard way. There were too much focus and pressure on our generation to learn how to do chores and please a man to remain in a marriage that no one reminded us that we are to be treated as queens as well. Seasons in my life like this remind me of the odds of growing up an orphan.

Parents… responsible ones truly have a HUGE role to play in establishing a great future for their kids aside raising them to be good wives and husbands.

In the end, I wasn’t expecting that all the live training that was meant to land me in a happy home failed and above all that I will be torn in between raising my child myself or sending her to her father, I mean, she is just two. I also wasn’t expecting it, but I am glad that this situation has strengthened me… a lot of people would fall apart, panic or go for the easy way out, but I am determined more than ever to become more than just a ‘single mom’.
I’m still figuring things out… I know God is with me, so I am not worried about my future at all.

So these are the chronicles of my first one year as a single mom. I know there are so many young ladies out there who have found themselves in this position either from a love affair gone wrong or a failed marriage, but whatever your story is, we are all in this together. FEEL FREE TO REACH OUT TO ME; either to share your story or just to say hi! We need all the support we can get, right?

Join our community Sisters Thriving to learn, heal and grow alongside other amazing ladies.
I will be stopping here for now. I hope this was a good read and you learned something. Just share it with someone who needs to know she is not alone and that so long as there is life, we have hope. It can only get better.
I’m wearing: S.L Fashions Front Button Collar Dress and Black Sandals from Atmosphere

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